This agreement discusses avoiding gossip, lies, empty promises, and other ways in which we cause problems with our words. Say only what you mean, and realize that you can cause damage if you're not careful with what you say.
Many people don't realize the power of their words and don't see the harm that can be caused by speaking carelessly, thoughtlessly, or aggressively. Most of us are aware that screaming at someone may be upsetting to them, but subtle little digs at them, or gossip behind their backs, can hurt others more than we realize, and in hurting them, we hurt ourselves. While it's great to be conscientious about how we use our words, this agreement may be hard to follow completely. It's a great goal to aspire to, though, and a good direction to work toward, in any case.
Don’t Take Anything Personally
This concept deals with understanding how other people's behaviors are a reflection of them only. When someone gives us feedback about our behavior or about us as people, it's important to remember that no opinions are truly objective; we all have our biases, our filters through which we view the world. Because of this, we shouldn't take anyone else's view of us or our actions as entirely accurate. When someone says something about us, they're really saying something about themselves and how they view the world.
This is good advice for helping you become less reactive, defensive, and retaliatory, but keep it in balance. While everyone has their biases and there is no such thing as true objectivity, by never taking anything personally, you can really limit your ability to see your own negative patterns and biased thinking and work on developing more healthy patterns and clear-sighted thinking. As M. Scott Peck says in The Road Less Traveled, "The problem of distinguishing what we are and what we are not responsible for in this life is one of the greatest problems of human existence." While it's important to let go of much of our concern over other people's opinions, some feedback should be considered, and the needs of others should also be respected. Don’t give up on the work of distinguishing responsibility, or you end up creating more stress in the long run.
Don’t Make Assumptions
A lot of stress can be created when you assume you know what other people are thinking without checking with them. Understanding that other people might have different motivations for their actions, even drastically varying worldviews from yours, and remembering to really try to understand others and discuss these motivations before jumping to conclusions about their behavior, can go a long way toward preventing interpersonal conflict.
Taking this advice to an extreme may cause you to ignore your intuition about people or common sense about someone's behavior that's personally damaging to you. It can also open you up to manipulation if you train yourself to believe someone's explanation of negative behavior rather than judging the behavior on its own.
Always Do Your Best
By this, Ruiz means to do the best you can at any given moment and you'll have no regrets. Some days, your best isn't as good as other days, and that's okay. As long as you put an honest effort into life, you will have nothing to be ashamed of, and won't beat yourself up over a less-than-stellar performance in retrospect. Points to be aware of: This is good advice for anyone and can help you achieve more progress toward your goals, as well as prevent unnecessary feelings of regret.
